Let's Give Her Something to Blog About

So a running joke between my friends the Johnsons and myself is that I don't know how to blog -- in that, I've only been posting several times a month while they post every. single. day. Well, this past week, this pair certainly helped give me something to blog about. They, along with so many special people and places I hold so close to my heart, helped make an incredibly memorable, momentous week -- one that, I know I will remember for a long time to come. (Please pardon the cliche -- it's true!)

You'd think during a week in which three of seven days I was in the car for 11+ hours, I would be more preoccupied, exhausted, bored, and annoyed of all the driving and hauling and packing/unpacking than excited about sitting on my butt so many times for so long, trying to stay awake and not eat too many Cheez-its. I might have even expected the week to go that way myself. But -- without knowing if it was that the time alone in the car that allowed me time for reflection and peace, or that it gave me cabin-fever so that I savored any moment with other people, or that it simply allowed anticipation for big events to build and, eventually, spill over at the events -- the week was one of the best I've had in a long, long time, I can tell you that much.

Fortunately, I remember having my only big travel-induced mood swing the night before my first Abingdon-Chicago roadtrip (while Luke and Rudy were being such gentlemen by loading everything I own into my U-Haul -- they're such good friends to put up with me!). After that, it was pretty much smooth sailing for the week. Here's the 9-day breakdown:

Saturday 6/6: Drove from Abingdon to Chicago. Had FANTASTICALLY sunny weather, took the scenic route to Lexington, KY, through Cumberland Gap and saw my first Civil War reenactment. Successfully arrived in Lincolnshire with my U-Haul trailer in tow! Attended Natalie's Graduation/Going-Away party for Caroline and Dan in Lakeview that night and saw old high school friends for the first time in 3ish years.

Sunday 6/7: Attended Marina and Adam's wedding! Marina is my oldest friend (5th grade) - or at least the oldest with whom I still chat on a regular basis. The wedding was BEAUTIFUL, I have never seen Marina so happy, and many wonderful high school friends danced the night away with me.

Monday 6/8: Drove from Chicago to Abingdon after sleeping over at Kim's awesome apartment in Evanston. Had great weather, avoided traffic, and made good time. Arrived in Abingdon in time to join Stacy, Erin, and Molly for The Bachelorette (gotta keep watching Mike Stagliano...oh wait, I'd watch the show regardless of whether he was on it...).

Tuesday 6/9: Started closing up shop at the high schools. Had a "Farewell to Abingdon" picnic on the VA Creeper Trail, and despite the POURING rain and life-threateningly close lightning, many folks showed up to hug me good-bye, eat loads of brownies and pasta salad, and, once it lightened up, play in the sun. I'm so blessed to have each and every one of you in my life! The surprise of the night was when Jordan and Joseph, those crazy Johnsons, showed up at the picnic, having driven 3 1/2 hours from Charlottesville to say good-bye to me one last time. I love you guys.

Wednesday 6/10: Packed up my stuff at Holston and said good-bye to all the staff there. All of the lady teachers went out to beautiful Damascus and treated me to a delicious lunch :) Then, that evening, I enjoyed yet another delicious meal at Outback while celebrating Liz Jackson's (my name twin!) 18th birthday and high school graduation.

Thursday 6/11: Finished up at Patrick Henry and said my tearful good-bye to Pat, Patty, and Tina -- how much they taught me these two years! On Thursday evening, Rudy and I had our share of laughs as we packed the rest of my stuff in my car and hooked up my bike rack in the rain. Then, Rudy, Stacy, and I watched So You Think You Can Dance? and MTV (I've taught those two how to watch reality TV like pros) for several hours before I had to also say good-bye to Rudy. That night, I finally agreed to have a slumber party in Stacy's bed after she'd asked me multiple times throughout the year, and it was fantastic staying up late just talking until at least 1am.

Friday 6/12: Drove from Abingdon to Chicago once again, this time getting caught several times in construction and rush-hour traffic. Between Indianapolis and Chicago, cars were stopped so often that I decided to amuse myself with a Sally first: painting my nails in the car! They didn't even turn out half-bad! That evening, I met my parents, sister, and brother-in-law downtown at the University Club for the Rush University Medical College's Commencement Banquet. It was fabulous to honor my sister and the other graduates, and to have an excuse to get all dressed up. Hanging out in Chicago's "Harry Potter" room wasn't half-bad, either!

Saturday 6/13: Was woken up at 5a by my sister's dog who desperately needed outside. (I don't have to let her out every day, so I didn't mind the one day.) Went to Walker Bros with the parentals, the graduate, and her husband and chowed down on yummy spinach crepes and about a gallon of coffee before driving to the city for the Rush graduation at UIC. We then headed back up North to grill dinner, for which we were joined by Zach and Kristin, AND Huck and Nike. Many laughs were laughed, pictures taken, and glasses of champagne downed. A good night.

Sunday 6/14: Was woken up by the gorgeous sun -- apparently the first legit nice day in Chicagoland in a while. Picked Kim up in Evanston and headed to LaSalle Street Church for a wonderful 11a service that included one of my favorite hymns, Be Thou My Vision. After church, Kim and I wandered through the art fair in Old Town, ate a delicious sandwich lunch outside, and took advantage of traffic on the way home to chat it up even more. After dropping Kim at home, I did a little shopping and then took a short bike ride. I closed out the day by making it to bed before midnight -- amazing.

Now I can only hope the rest of the summer (what the heck? the rest of the year, too!) is as good as this week. I look forward to all the days filled with the same joy, patience, and peace I felt throughout this week!

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Now playing: Bon Jovi - Who Says You Can't Go Home
via FoxyTunes

9 Year Later, Still Holding On

Nine years ago today, almost to the hour, Rebecca Gayle Berger passed away due to asphyxiation during an acute asthma attack. She had been jumping on a trampoline at my friend Bob's house, celebrating with Bob, Jeremy, and Jackie having been all named new members to Patriot Singers, our high school's most esteemed choir. She was joyful. She was six final exams away from finishing her sophomore year. She was just fifteen.

I found out the next day when Gillian's parents called my mom, who, sobbing, relayed the news to me. It was eight in the morning. My friends had allowed me to sleep that long, knowing I wouldn't sleep well for a long time to come. My mom tried to tell me the news, but I was just confused. Becca? What do you mean Becca? Are you talking about someone else and not the good friend I saw just yesterday? Surely, you must mean another Becca -- my Becca is young and healthy and accomplished and the definition of "full of life." Sometime in the course of the morning, though, once I arrived at the Bergers' house to sit shiva, saw Rich and Judy's blank, tear-soaked faces, and joined a large circle of Stevenson students, I must have realized that what my mom said was true: Becca was gone.

After that, the week was a whirlwind. I remember walking to McDonald's with some friends and trying to swallow some food. I remember hearing Becca had donated her organs. I remember opting out of studying for my final exams, of taking my French exam with a teddy bear in my lap and tears slowly falling down my face, of pushing back my other exams. I remember going to the funeral service and singing "Letting Go" with what seemed the entire choir department, something that was a huge commemoration of Becca's passion and talent because music isn't traditionally a part of Jewish funerals. I remember some 700 people being present at the service for beloved Becca. I remember that Becca was a light in an age of really messed up, really confused teenagers, and people clung to her even as she was lowered below the earth. I remember losing, for the first time, someone who had been a daily part of my life, who I'd sat with at a pep assembly just 10 hours before her death, cheered on the phone just an hour before. I remember everything being new and frustrating and intense and fuzzy.

I still haven't been able to wrap my head around her death -- who can, after all, make sense of tragedy like that? -- but each year my thankfulness for her grows and grows. During that year, as we sang and danced with our show choir, Syncopation, and perfected "You Don't Own Me" for SHS's variety show, Showcase, we grew in friendship. Before that year, I'd felt uneasy when any of my peers referred to any other as her "best friend." I didn't know the meaning of the term; I'd never felt so sure that anyone was deserving of the honor. But Becca was. She was my first best friend. She was trustworthy, and hopeful, and humble, and excited about life, and she had the voice of an angel. She possessed all of those qualities I wished for myself, and she unabashedly showered them upon everyone. Becca was excited about being my friend -- like, I, too, was something special.

Throughout Summer, 2000, and over the next several years, Becca gave me a wonderful gift: She gave me a whole new group of "best friends", people brought closer together through her death -- a whole new group of friends upon whom I could depend. So many of us still are super close today. In Fall, 2002, when it was time for me to apply to colleges, Becca was still on my mind. I wanted these colleges to not only hear about this wonderful person but also to hear how she shaped my life and taught me to pass on all the lessons she'd taught me. So my essays were about her and how I've learned how important it is to pass on all the love she bestowed on all she met and how I tried to do that. And it was a way to take her to college, to have her experience something she never could.

Now, I carry Becca with me all the time. We all know that every single day is a gift, but when I think of Becca, I believe it. The urgency hits me.

Most of the time, I don’t wake up in the morning thinking this could be my last day. I don’t think, this could be the last time I will sleep in this soft bed, this could be the last time I’ll get ready for work, this could be the last morning coffee I’ll need, this could be the last time I’ll listen to that song on the radio, this could be the last time I’ll hear the voices of my loved ones. I don’t think about how life would continue without me in it, about how some may say their lives were different because of me, about how so many wouldn’t know the difference with me gone. I just don’t.

When I think of Becca -- and I pray, even as we near her death's tenth anniversary, that I may do so with even greater frequency -- When I think of her, all of it hits me. I realize, I am lucky to be alive, to have breath flowing in and out of my mouth, to be able to go about my life. And I realize, what a privilege I have here in my hands: the privilege to live, and experience life as God intended, and to share with others that life and love God wants for me and that Becca must have discovered herself.

I am persuaded to each day honor the memory of a wonderful girl. To know that she lives on still. To pray that she's with God. And to have hope in that prayer, because God shone threw her in every interaction, every smile, every grain of friendship, and every note sung. Because I knew her, I have been blessed.


Courtney, me, Becca, Abra, and Jackie on an SHS music department trip to Disney World in early March, 2000.

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Now playing: Stevenson High School - Please Don't Play With My Heart
via FoxyTunes