neither Here nor There

Two weeks ago, I took a 9-day "holiday" in Chicago to see my family during my school's Spring Break. I was really excited to go, first and foremost, because I was going to be meeting my first niece for the first time. It was a bonus that I was able to see every other member of my immediate family as well as a few friends. Below is something I journaled on the return plane to Prague.

* * * * *

Chicago has come and gone. How quickly the days continue to pass. I wish I could freeze a hundred little moments from this past week, pack them in a cooler with dry ice, and carry them as a carry-on to my life in Prague -- you know, so it'd be less like I'm leaving something separate back in Chicago. Maybe that is something I've learned this past week: that the bits and pieces of my life might be more connected in someone else's, but that, in mine, they break apart even more, they make me feel torn between multiple worlds. What worlds, though? It's not a perfect distinction, but maybe you can most closely sum them up as my life five years ago projected five years into the future, and what it actually is now.

The funny thing is, I don't know that five years ago I had any real picture in my head of where I'd be at 25, 30, 45, 80. I think there were faint whispers of my life dreams, but for once in my life I was too cowardly to let myself dream those dreams in color. Only retrospectively -- especially this week -- have I been able to wrap my head around my favorite things about my life then and how quickly it -- and my dreams along with it -- have changed. I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing because, as much as it's positive to recognize my own maturity and to hope in all the wonderful new things the Good Lord has handed me, it is still bittersweet to let go...and this particularly when it comes to the things, and most especially the people, I love most in the world.

I love Chicago. I mean, I really love it. I love that I called it home for eighteen years and have continued to give it the name "home" this many years later simply because the people I love are there, and so are the memories...and all of the loves that continue still. I love that, in Chicago, it's sunny even in Winter. I love walking over the expressway bridge toward the West Loop and having every nasal pore filled with Balmer chocolate yumminess. I love knowing I'm in a very multicultural place where I will see beautiful people of color every block instead of a boring blend of white, pink, and eggshell. I love running out to the lake, standing on the edge of the concrete harbors and staring out into the wide blue that could be an ocean -- I wouldn't know the difference -- and then turning round to be filled up with awe over the towering spires, neo-baroque, and romanticism of the famous Chicago skyline. I love walking/runnign back through the strip of Grant Park book-ended by the Sue-sporting Field Museum and the World Fair Navy Pier and feeling like I'm in a historical (and yet continually evolving) sort of paradise..but, more importantly really, it's a personally historical paradise, too -- one where high school friends have moved down to the El lines, and where Chicago-style deep dish can be found every however many blocks, and where I went to see a zillion Broadway-in-Chicago shows before I ever made it to 42nd Street. It's the place where I have been my most fit, my most focused, and, arguably, my most successful. It is where, once upon a time, I could have imagined myself taking my career and being contented strolling on the bike path during the hot nights of summer.

Perhaps that's where I've gone wrong. Maybe Chicago, and everything that goes along with it, has held this completely idealistic place in my mind. Not perfect, no, but maybe I believed it perfect for me, and that is what has broken away from my actual life story. This was a paradoxical week: on one end, I was 100% thankful to be "home," and on the other, I had to give in and admit to new dreams and new hopes, which was mildly overwhelming.

At almost 25 and being a self-proclaimed "city girl," the suburbs have never been quite for me, but, looking out both morning and night at the city skyline through my parents' West Loop window, neither was this city. I realized that I have too far removed myself from this place to have it be more to me than the place that I created I bunch of great memories, where I can return to those memories, where I first started dreaming, where I can return and remember what it is to dream, to trust, to leave and have it all be okay. I used to think that, after a stint in Europe, it would be nice to welcome back Chicago. This week, I realized that to move back now -- or maybe at any time -- as a single woman, I would feel like I'd left a piece of myself elsewhere...as if, now that I've experienced a life of mild adventure, I would be settling for less than what this flame inside me needs to burn. Maybe only sharing this city with someone special would be a big enough adventure for me to live there. So, for now, it's someone else's city. It's a city for my parents, who are in the middle of the biggest adventure of their lives; and for some of my friends -- both those from the 'burbs and those who've moved to the Land of Lincoln for the first time; and for more than three million others who call the city "home." And, for now, it is a great place to return, rest, vacation, and make some beautiful new memories before packing my bags and moving trustingly onward.

So that's what I did. I went "home" and had a wonderful week. I visited things familiar and comforting, like Target and Barnes & Noble. I feasted on all my favorite types of food: Japanese, Mexican, Thai, Peruvian, Italian, deep-dish, and American pub grub. I had meals and long walks with high school friends whose happiness is what makes for my own happiness. I attended an awesome church service at LaSalle and went window-shopping at Field's. I drove my car. I ran by my old workplace at Mayer Brown and chatted with old coworkers outside on their smoke break. Best of all, I created the best family memory of my life when all eight of us got together for the very first time. Daphne is clearly the most beautiful baby to have ever graced the planet and I love her to pieces, but my joy meeting her was tripled by seeing my brother and sister-in-law as her parents because, boy, did parenthood suit them! To get to witness their wonderful little family so young right alongside my parents and sister and brother-in-law was the greatest gift not only my mom (the weekend's birthday girl) could ask for, but the greatest for me, as well. It was enough to give enough rest to my heart, to even grow relationships with each of the members of my family a little bit, and to let me admit I was ready to return to Prague.

So, I was broken over leaving my family, and over having to admit that missing out on my family's life in the U.S. was going to be a "normal" thing for me, and over admitting that Chicago -- quite possibly the U.S., too -- will never be what it once was. I am too everywhere...And I am too adventurous...And I have learned enough to let God lead that my life will never quite be what, five years ago, I could have imagined it would be.

Instead, I write a new story. Is Prague "home," then? No, probably not yet. But I am moving toward calling it "home." Chances are good, though, that before I get there, I will pull up my roots, pack up, and head elsewhere. And maybe that's okay, too. After all, I've grown to believe that my restless, nomadic spirit is driven by the truth so honestly put by C.S. Lewis that, if we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, also we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world. I might be craving Home, but until then, I must be satisfied to always be redefining home on earth and to look forward to creating a million new wonderful memories with the new loves that enter my life. I am ready to dive into Prague and to fall in love with it as much as possible, to be in the now and not to be homesick for a life that, for me, isn't possible anymore.

So, now, after all this reflection, I am on the plane back to my temporary home, and I think I'm right where I should be.

* * * * *

Side note: Other than the jet-lag, my first week back in Prague was wonderfully normal. It was good to enter into that phase of living in Prague, for it to be a normal thing.

----------------
Now playing: Marc Cohn - Already Home
via FoxyTunes

Kvarta Movie Nights

My 4.1 class is awesome. Really. You should know them.

It's quite possible that this class drives some teachers mad, but for me, they have just the right blend of desire to learn, desire to talk, and desire to express themselves individually that they have quickly become a favorite class of mine. No doubt part of it is also their desire to get to know me, too, which is really exciting and clearly evident each class session and when my students pass me in the halls. I normally end up chatting it up with some of the boys as we wait in the lunch line, and sometimes I go sit with some of the girls in the cafeteria because they're just that much fun (and because, let's face it, they know more English than most of the teachers in the teacher's dining room).

There are about 16 girls in this class of 30, and they are a blast and a half! From the beginning, several of the girls were keeping me in class after the bell so they could chat for fun. And, unlike some students, these girls aren't shy when we happen to be riding the same tram, and we strike up an easy conversation. While chatting with two really stellar students, Veronika and Judy, at the end of November, I suggested a movie day sometime at my flat. They were stoked about the idea, so we set the date.

At 4pm on December 12, eleven Kvarta girls arrived at my flat for an evening of movies. They were so excited to be in the school (remember, that's where my flat is) when it was closed, so excited to watch Christmas movies, and so excited to hang out with each other and ME! I really felt to loved and appreciated. I made cookies and ordered pizza, and I also learned a lot about Czech hospitality -- EVERY student brought food to eat and then left all leftovers at my place at the end of the night! It was a great night. We crowded around my computer to watch THREE movies -- Home Alone, While You Were Sleeping, and Christmas Vacation (keep in mind these movies where in English with English subtitles only, so the girls did really well understanding!) -- took ten bazillion photos after they found my camera, and had some pretty good discussions. There are about a million books at my flat thanks to ESI teachers just leaving their collections here over the years, so several of the girls were browsing the titles and asking me about my favorite books. Veronika, who is a Christian, saw my copy of Bible 21 and asked me why I had it, knowing I myself can't yet read Czech. I was able to tell her plainly that it's there in case anybody ever wants a copy.

At the end of the night, the girls were all talking about the next movie night. So....hopefully I will be able to host a couple more movie nights for this awesome class in 2010, too!

Veronika, Terka, and Ilooking through the bookshelves.

The girls crowding around some pictures of my family and friends.

Katie, Adela, Judy, and Majda watching the movie.

Sally and Saly!

Terka, Alca, and Veronika enjoy the tasty pizza (thanks Pizza West!)

So far this year, though, I haven't had any girls over to my flat but have been to the movie theater with three of them. This past Thursday we headed over to the Village Cinemas to check out the remake of FAME! I felt just like these 14- and 15-year-old girls, heading to the theater to see the latest Step Up-like movie, filled with teen heart-throbs and awesome dance moves. (In truth, I think Step Up is a little bit better, and now I really am kicking myself for not watching the original Fame first, but anyway...) We had a great time sharing a bucket of popcorn and singing the songs afterward, and I'm pretty sure the girls didn't think it was too awkward that they went to a movie with their teacher ;) Actually, we might have to make the next movie marathon "performing arts"-themed, now that they know my love for that type of movie.

The Other Side of Prague

Walking down Wenceslas Square at night -- especially on the weekends -- will break your heart. During the day it is an outdoor mall, tourist attraction, and great spot for "Kodak moments," but in the moonlight, a darker side of Prague finds a home-base here. Wenceslas Square, where twenty years ago hundreds of thousands of Czechs stood ringing in their freedom, now lures people into an industry that traps hundreds of other women.

Twenty years after the fall of Communism in Central Europe, the Czech Republic is no longer considered a part of "Eastern" Europe; it has been "Westernizing" quickly, taking on many characteristics of its modern neighbors like Germany and Austria. While its economy is not quite as strong as those countries, it is still thriving enough and in a geographically-desirable location to make it an appealing prospective home for many Eastern Europeans. Unfortunately, many Eastern European women who relocate to the Czech Republic find that there isn't much work for them other than in the sex industry. Other women get offered restaurant jobs and move to Prague thinking they will be working as waitresses, only to find themselves trapped in brothels or cabarets.

Men, too, oftentimes find themselves working for the sex industry, though normally in another capacity. Recruiters travel to African countries and offer employment to men in Prague. These men are less often trapped -- they come willingly because, at least financially, Prague can provide them with more comfortable lifestyles -- but their jobs are definitely crucial in maintaining Prague's reputation as a sex hot-spot. On any night of the week, you can find groups of men -- more often than not of African descent -- hanging out on the street corners in the square. If you watch them, they look lonely, and they don't seem content at all with their jobs... Their jobs? They keep an eye out for stag (bachelor) parties (normally from Great Britain or Germany) and single men walking the square, and stop them to suggest places where these men can have "fun" that night. In essence, they are solicitors, and by the looks of it, they are doing their job well.

Women walking the square at night should be careful if they don't want to get asked by a man herself where he should go for a good time. Normally, this is no problem at all for me because I tend to "walk with purpose" pretty much anywhere I go. Last month, however, my friends Talitha and Stephanie, and I did get posed this question. We don't know whether it was someone looking for sex or simply a fun bar, but the fact that we were walking a bit slower made it easier for him to approach us.

What Talitha, Stephanie, and I had been doing was prayer-walking for the city. Both girls also go to Faith Community Church, and over the past months God has really put the sex industry and prostitutes of Prague on Talitha's heart. I can see why: many people come to Prague specifically for sex, and, with so much of it like the cabarets being legal -- even popular -- most of the countless evils of the industry get overlooked. Many Czechs are unaware of the illegal and often forced employment of immigrant workers in the city, and with a post-communism disposition for every man to fend for himself, it would be difficult to convince them that this is a battle worth fighting.

And so we pray. Last month and this month and hopefully for many more in the future, folks from Faith pray. We meet at one end of Wenceslas Square and walk around the square. We stop in its sidestreets. We stop by the cabarets. We head down to other parts of town -- like by Charles Square -- where we know prostitutes linger on the corners. And while we walk, we pray.

We pray for God to keep business away that night (this weekend's snow was a blessing); to keep the women and men safe; to not let the solicitors feel satisfied in their jobs; to provide hope, purpose, and worth to the women being abused by this trade; to provide money for survival and safety to women when they are granted slow business; to care for the children of people working in the sex industry; to provide good Christian men to befriend the solicitors and cabaret owners so that the Gospel may begin to be shared amongst them; to provide women who feel called solely to minister to prostitutes and dancers, who can provide them with consistency in their friendships and love in their lives where there was none before; to show legal loop-holes through which justice can be administered and immigrants can can protection. We thank God that He is righteous and that He is at work in this city. We thank Him that Prague is now a city where we can pray openly to Him. We thank Him that His grace extends to everyone, and that there is hope for each one of the men and women we pray for -- from the prostitutes to the proprietors to the patrons. We thank Him for people He has provided to befriend and serve prostitutes and cabaret workers -- we already know of two women and one man, and are hopeful there are more than we know.

We thank God for the International Justice Mission, which may be gaining interest in Prague, and for workers like E--, who Talitha met just this past week. Truly through God's hand, Talitha and E-- sat next to each other returning home from Christmas in Ireland this past week. E-- is about to start her new job working for La Strada International in Prague. La Strada is an anti-human trafficking organization that operates in nine different countries, including the Czech Republic. It seeks to serve and protect women who have been trafficked into different countries -- in the Czech Republic often as sex slaves. E--'s role will be a dangerous one. She will be serving women at a La Strada safe house in Prague, working night shifts for them, and accompanying them when they have places to go. We don't know if E-- is a Believer or not, but we know she is in a position to show immense love to these women. She has a giant heart, and God will be using her. We also now have a connection through E-- to serve the human-trafficked community ourselves, so E--'s role with La Strada has the capacity to open huge doors for others who want to make a difference.

Whenever you think of it, please pray with us. Pray for the safety, conviction of hearts, and redemption among Prague's sex trade workers. Pray that stag parties and visiting businessmen will find better things to do during their stays. Pray that human trafficking will end in Prague, and everywhere. Pray that justice seekers and lawyers will take a greater interest in the Czech Republic's often undercover sex industry. Pray for E-- and the people she will be serving at La Strada. And definitely think of us the second Friday of each month as we pray through Wenceslas Square and asks for God's mercy to come down all over Prague.

Sick with Hiccups

So this week has been interesting health-wise because, after running around for two weeks on a whirlwind Winter Break, I was ready for another vacation. There was no stopping GEKOM's classes, though, so instead of resting up for another week, I came down with some sort of head-cold thing. In some ways it's been great because there haven't been any of my usual cold systems like unbearable congestion or 24/7 runny nose, but I for several days had this awful throbbing headache that made it impossible to concentrate and now still have a sore throat that feels like a golf ball has implanted itself there. In general, these things are not big deals -- I just down the vitamin C, drink 4 gallons of water a day, and aim for at least 8 hours of sleep a day.

That was the plan last night, too, when I was getting ready for bed at 1 because I'd be waking up at 9 for school (Friday is my late-start day). Literally as soon as I turned off the lights and started toward my comfy bed, I got the hiccups. A couple things went through my mind at this point: 1) How in the world do I have the hiccups? I haven't eaten anything nor drank anything but water for hours. 2) Owww! I kid you not, my hiccups are the earth-shattering kind. And 3) Shoooot I'm going to wake up Rachael! Rach had already been asleep for a couple hours because of an early start on Friday morning, and I didn't want to be the one responsible for waking her up in the middle of the night. I tried laying down in bed for a couple minutes and holding my breath in spurts but to no avail. So I go back into the pitch-black living room and try to wait it out. At this point I was also started to get a little bit cranky because, as my kind of hiccups are normally really uncomfortable, they were even more painful with an already-sore throat. After about ten minutes of constant hiccuping, I finally give it up to God.

You might say, woah wait a minute, this is a blog about prayer? You betcha. For ten minutes I sat there uncomfortably wishing there was something I could do and thinking that hiccups weren't important enough to really pray about. Then, after those ten minutes, I came to my senses and realized I was putting God in a box, deciding for Him in what He is interested and over what He is control. Ridiculous! Who was I to decide my hiccups weren't important enough for God to cure?

At that, I closed my eyes, prayed a quick hiccupy prayer, and then in the name of Jesus commanded my hiccups to stop. And that's exactly they did. Immediately.

That, folks, is the power of prayer and the power of Jesus's name and the Holy Spirit who lives in us. I was stoked that I finally put my silly pride aside and let God take over this minor request. It was affirming, it was liberating...and it didn't hurt that I could then go to sleep.

August in Wal-Mart, only better!

This week I got my first non-parental care package! I don't exactly how excited I should be about this (it should be a lot), but I think I'm about ten times more excited than that! It is just so nice to feel so remembered and loved from across the ocean. So, without further ado, I present the lovely care package contents, all courtesy of the wonderful Judy and Robby Gough :)





The care package box was like going back-to-school shopping -- that exciting and that practical!
They sent:
pens -- blue, black, and red (yay grading) -- for a lifetime
permanent markers of assorted fun colors
2 boxes of markers (Crayola, of course)
crayons
gluesticks
toothbrushes
15 -- count them, 15! -- packs of Orbit gum!!!!!!
M&Ms -- plain and peanut
candy canes!
and last but most certainly most importantly, a 2010 calendar of Thomas Jefferson's Academical Village!

This week I also got Christmas cards from friends (thanks Mimi and Katie, and also everyone who thought of me before Christmas), so I'm still feeling the Christmas cheer over a week into the new year. Thanks, friends! I have a giant smile on my face because of you :)

Meet Me on the Champs Elysees

So this year I had an amazing time celebrating the Christmas and New Year holidays in Europe! It was my first time celebrating away from the usual spots family and celebrating my first time overseas, so I did not know what to expect ... but it was fantastic! There were some adventures in parts, but I was really blessed to spend two weeks with my parents - they came to visit! - And good friends.

When I was in Paris over New Year's, I met up with my friends Ben and Julie for coffee. Ben is a really good friend from UVA, where we sang together in Jubilate, and he and Julie were in Paris for the first part of their honeymoon! I felt very priviledged that they took time out of their first vacation as a married couple to hang out with me for a couple hours.

It was really a fantastic couple hours even though all we did was sit in a cafe and drink coffee and hot wine. I got to hear more about their lives and their wedding and their plans for the next year, and I got to tell them more about life in Prague. The best part, though, was having two people there with me Whose friendship extends back farther than just six months and who I know love me and support me and can joke with me about any number of things ... of course these truths made it hurt even more when we parted ways on the Champs Elysees after 1.5 hours. Saying good bye to some of my closest friends Stung.

The rest of the night I was thinking about how I was Fortunate not to have gone home to familiar places where I could have hung out with all my long-time friends ... it would have been really painful to return to the Czech Republic. So, even though I am incredibly thankful that I got to see some people who I love to pieces, I recognize that getting through the first friend-friend reunion is no easy task for an overseas worker.

Do not let that stop you from coming overseas to visit, though! Now I know what to expect, and I think saying goodbye will get easier with time because I'll have an even deeper network of Praguers here.

Me, Julie, and Ben